A piece of me
Ever since I was little, since I could even remember; I have been very emotional. I would cry over everything. That has been something that has never gone away, and I have hated myself for being that way, since then. To this day I cry way too much (in my opinion) I wish I didn’t have such a raw emotion. I guess God made me this way, but until I know why or see a reason for it I don’t think I can ever accept it. Another thing about me is I have always hated to disappoint people, I wouldn’t say I am a people pleaser, but if someone I care about is mad or disappointed in me I feel like crap. I even hate to disappoint myself and really beat myself up over it. I feel real stupid or something. Wondering why I have done whatever it is I did. I guess I feel like a looser. Again this emotion is taken to the extreme. Most important than ever is disappointing God, now I got saved when I was 12 or something my parents raised me up to fear the Lord, save yourself to you get married (FAIL) you know good moral stuff. I been in and out of this world so many times. I feel like a big disappointment to God. I know all about forgiveness 7x 77 times a day he will forgive you,(something like that) now I don’t think I have that many sins.. :) I kind of feel like the stuff I been through it’s my fault anyway cause I wasn’t doing right, like it is my punishment. I feel it’s what I get, so I have to take it. I am sure another extreme emotion. My point with this writing is my emotions always seem to be too far fetched, I have always thought something was wrong with me emotionally. I don’t know what it is and although I am together for the most part, there is THIS piece of me. I wish wasn’t.
* and you know what other emotion is extreme Love! cause when I love, I love hard and I love real, I mean I could be the ride or die chick, have your back down for what ever type love. (not a crazy do stupid stuff type love) once something has been done to counter act that kind of love, and I have given ALL my love, forget about it like a scar it will never be the same.
I tried to post a comment and it didn't take. We need to have a long talk. You have no idea what a caring, giving person you are. You are sensitive because that is God's gift to you. And if you could get perfect on your own; if you could become "good enough for God", He never would have had to send Jesus.
ReplyDeleteThanks dad, I value your feedback. I am not wanting to be good enough ofr God, well maybe I am? I never though about it that way. I do know what a caring giving person I am! :) but that does not explaine this super sensitive person I am?! we will talk dad. Thanks!
ReplyDeleteVikki, I love your new format and how you are sharing some honest thoughts with us. Sorry it took so long to finally start "formally" following you! I am an extremist as well, not so much with my emotions, but with the things I do. I become obsessed with things and they consume me. I have to believe that God has made me this way in order to create beauty that moves people. I'm sure it sucks for you sometime to deal with the emotions, but how could you write the way you do if you were lacking that sensitivity? The beauty you are able to produce through your writing moves people. I don't think that would be possible without that ability to feel deeply (joy or pain.) I would still like to get together sometime. :) I was in Milwaukee this weekend shooting 2 weddings and thought of you!
ReplyDeleteMandy,
ReplyDeleteThank you. I appreahciate your words and support! and thanks for followinG me! :) we will get together. we will!AND your photos always touch me..ALWAYS!! I love you girl!