A dark cloud lingers above me
Bringing along feelings of anger, rage, contempt
That cloud springs forth no joy
I just want it to go away!
The feelings I have I do not like
Want to be free, free from darkness,
free from pain
Free from that dark cloud you bring
One suggestion. Put a stanza break between lines 4 and 5. It might strengthen the seperation of the two thoughts ( I want to get away; You bring the cloud. Good conveyence of the emotions
ReplyDeleteI didn't too much care for this one. For some reason it just didn't move me.
ReplyDelete